Once again, Valkyria found herself naked, tied up, and at the mercy of a villain. If she called the sticky threads that bound her rope. Being grabbed, dragged into the sewer, stripped, and bound by a monstrous spider was bad enough. The situation just grew worse. The hideous thing standing before her was not the typical villain, and definitely not the typical gangster. He seemed more like a nightmare she would have after eating an entire pizza and falling asleep while watching a Roger Corman movie. She wasn’t sure which was more detestable, the creature or the stench bombarding her hyper-sensitive nose.
“Thanks for hogtying this here sidewinder, Boris,” the gargantuan roach said.
“You’re quite welcome, Ed Earl,” Boris replied. “Do you mind if I watch?”
“Naw. Not a bit, pardner.” The roach looked Katie in the eyes. “Now, my little pink, soft-shelled, indoskeletal, insecticidal maniac. Folks in these parts call me the Sewer King. Welcome to my palace.”
“Um, hi. Pleasure to meet you. I’m Valkyria,” Katie said.
“I know that, dumbass. We have TV down here, you know. Now, listen here. I have a bone to pick with you about a certain lil’ ol’ incident you were in. I say. Do you recollect that roach you turned into roadkill last week?”
“Er, yes?” Katie said. How could she forget. By slapping the pest, she knocked out half the wall of her apartment. Repairs were still underway. She had to live with her mother again and listen to her Yuppie step-father drone on and on about money.
“That boy was my grandson,” the Sewer King growled.
“Um, oh. Sorry?”
“Valkyria my aunt’s mandibles! You’re a one woman stampede, that’s what you are. It’s bad enough that you darned two-legs dance the two-step all over me and my kind. But you of all cotton-pickin’ varmints ought to know better. The great Valkyria, the Vixen of Parthenon, claims to try to set an example. Cow patties! Well, I’m fixin’ to make an example out of you.”
“Let me eat her! Let me eat her!” the smaller roaches clamored.
“Naw, boys. I have a better idea,” the Sewer King said. “Let’s see if the heifer can breathe underwater. Boris, old buddy. Lower away.”
Katie looked down. She had a feeling she was about to take the filthiest bath of her life. Right now, she’d trade all her powers for a can of Raid.
= = =
Katie’s second adventure, and still played for laughs.